Letter 1

July 22, 2012 § 2 Comments

Dear daughter,

I’m posting this here because Google won’t let me create an account for you and send you an letter. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write something. There’s so much I want to tell you. So I wanted to record this somewhere, and this was the only place. Right now it’s just after 9pm, and you’re fast asleep as usual, without any fuss, and you’ll wake up at 5am to be fed. You’re only 12 weeks old, and sleeping by yourself just kind of happened after you turned 6 weeks old. You’re already so independent.

Anyway, I’ve been watching episodes and episodes of Californication. If you turn out to be anything like me, it’s a show you’ll probably love. In one episode, Hank Moody wrote a letter to his daughter, parts of of which I wanted to share with you. It kind of describes how I would like your father to think, sometimes.

Here’s a portion of it, some of which I can relate to, also.

You smelled nice, most of the time, but you didn’t seem to have much interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you and your mom against the world. Funny how some things never change. So I cruised along, acting the fool, not really understanding how being a parent changes you. And I don’t remember the exact moment everything changed. I just know that it did. One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear.

I hope you appreciate the content as much as I did.

Love,
Your mother

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