A short list
December 21, 2009 § 2 Comments
I know I haven’t been very good this year, but I’ve done my best with what I’ve got. Anyway do take a minute to hear my plea. I would try to be extra good next year if you could consider the following things on my list:
1. Shoes. High-heeled gold shoes, specifically. I know what you are thinking. I do not like heels. That is true. When nature created me along with all the other little girls, a liking of high-heels was forgotten. Replaced by a hatred of them. While my girlfriends gasp in shock at this revelation, this is due to the fact that I am an uncoordinated person. If I had a choice I would go barefoot if horizontal surfaces all over the world were clean and dry enough. Alternatively if society would permit I would be quite happy to wear thongs/flip-flops/slippers to work, functions, birthdays, whatever. But I have a wedding to attend in 3 weeks, a beautiful dress, and unfortunately, I cannot wear my Converse or Havianas to a fancy wedding.
2. A coffee table. Although my cardboard box has functioned exceptionally well in the last 6 months, graciously acting as a sturdy surface for many a cup of tea and plates of pasta, it is starting to look the worse for wear. Along with food and drink stains which mark its paper body forever, it also acts as a three-dimensional notepad for me, with names and numbers written on it since August. Also, I must admit, I am starting to get bored of it. I would like to hold a house-warming party next month, and I have a sinking feeling the cardboard box would finally fail its double duty as a coffee table.
3. A new liver. Ok, this might be a bit too much to ask, but really, you have to be responsible during the silly season. It is celebration of you, Santa, that all those bottles of wine and beer are consumed in the spirit of Christmas. Isn’t it reasonable that everyone should get a new liver this time of year?
4. A knack for networking. This one, I really need. It turns out that I am shithouse at networking. Or business socializing. While some naturally shmooze with the right people at the right time, I just seem to conveniently slither away from the big grins, fake handshakes, and dishing out of business cards. I do not know how to network. Please help me.
5. A TV. Yes, back to material things. As much as I love my laptop and the internets and all the other educational things I could do with my free time, I would really like to waste some of my brain-cells staring like an idiot at the idiot box. While people talk about the latest episode of Heroes or Grey’s Anatomy or Celebrity Iron Chef, I would like to contribute to these conversations. It is essential to my well-being as a functioning professional person. We all need to talk about TV shows. Now, let me assure you that I will not spend 3 hours a day with it. I promise.