April 8, 2009 § 2 Comments
Nicholas Cage, I want my 1oo minutes back. After that magnificent movie Face-Off, how could you make such rubbish? I am truly ashamed of you. In fact, I am truly ashamed of myself. No one is more ashamed than I. Because I sat through the entire film.
I blame boredom. And the heat. My brain is obviously befuddled. This afternoon I decided to treat myself to an afternoon of surround sound, an enormous flat screen tv, and hundreds of movies at my disposal. However I should explain that my parents’ house is a goldmine of B-grade ‘Hollywood’ movies and bad kung-fu flicks. From the plethora I found gems like The Shephard: Border Patrol, The Last Hit Man, Tropic Thunder.
Jean-Claude Van Damme featured movies were also abundant. So Bangkok Dangerous didn’t seem so bad. Oh no. You think, hey, Nicholas Cage, it’ll be alright. So the title seems unfortunate, but come on, it’s Nicholas Cage. Right? But Nicholas Cage says, hey, fuck you. I am the action hero, so I can do whatever the hell I want. Any movie with me will be cool. Even with my bad hair which is kind of a mullet, but not. And oh, the plot. I mean, don’t get me started on the plot. Nicholas Cage, the heartless assassin, falls in love with a mute pharmacist who also happens to be an exotic dancer, then takes on a nobody apprentice, only to have to save him and blast his own brains in the end. Sorry, I gave away the ending, but I thought I’m just doing y’all a big favour.
Nicholas Cage, BOO. HISS. I am truly, truly ashamed.